


Bonding and Binders

by The_silent_smile



Series: The not-so-happy life of Anthony Edward Stark [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Arguing, Domestic Avengers, Family Feels, Feels, Gen, Good Loki (Marvel), Good Peter, Hurt Peter, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Tony, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Self-Harm, Team Feels, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Trans Male Character, Trans Peter Parker, Trans Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 09:13:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19270222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_silent_smile/pseuds/The_silent_smile
Summary: In which Peter tried to figure out how to cope with an issue. And a newfound friend gladly helps him.-Or-The one where Peter tells the team he's trans with the help of Loki and finds out some new interesting fact about his mentor on the way.Perhaps he even urges him to tell the team as well. And perhaps the team react differently than they had before





	1. Peter's confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter tells the team while scared shitless for their reaction.  
> Turns out Gods, assassins and men from the '40s are more understanding than he had expected.

Peter had no problem with being who he was. Why would he really? He could not change his entire person just because certain people didn't agree with him being himself.

That didn't make it any easier when they found out though.

You see, he had never bothered to tell them about it. They had always seen him as he was supposed to be without a shred of doubt in their minds. Treated him like he wanted to be treated and in a way that he found could be called respectable for a team of unstable superheroes.

Why tell people about your past when it could only complicate the future?

So, when Natasha walked into his room to wake him up, the Saturday morning sun telling him it was way too early to be disturbed like this, he put his head under the covers to cover his eyes from the light that was too bright for his liking and for this time of day.

Of course, she would pull the covers off of him. She had told him once, on an evening a few weeks ago where the rest of his newfound teammates had either been drunk, asleep or in another state far away from the tower, that she had made that motion a habit.  
It is the easiest way to wake up both Mr Stark and Mr Hawkeye when they needed a hangover cure.

That night he also learned that the Iron man had not needed her to rip the sheets off of him since Newyork. It would only worsen nightmares he swore he didn't have.

So Peter, still half asleep and worrying about the light more than anything else at the moment, lifted up his arm to cover his eyes rather than the area he would've covered normally.

But Natasha saw.  
And she froze, eyes snapping up to look at Peters still half covered face.

As he realised his arms flew down, crossing over his chest and staring at the woman standing in front of the bed he had been crashing on whenever he got May to allow him to stay at the tower.

"Pete..."  
"Miss widow please don't be mad."  
"I told you to call me Natasha. And I'm not mad kid don't worry."

It was fascinating to him how quickly she could change her expression or intentions as she kneeled down next to him and carefully pulled the covers over him again until his chest was covered not only by the shirt he was wearing but also by the blanket

" Why didn't you tell us, kid? We could've helped you. "

" Well, honestly I don't think most of you would've understood."

As she looked at him, one eyebrow raised, he quickly tried to explain.

"Mr Rogers and Mr Barnes are from the forties, I don't think anyone had any idea about what this all was back then. And if they did it was a huge taboo. Mr Thor is from another planet and I don't know how that stuff works in space..."

Natasha cut him off with a quiet chuckle and shook her head in disbelief.

"Don't worry about that too much spiderling. And if you don't want me to I won't tell. I'm a spy for a reason you know."

He smiled at her and nodded, shuffling to sit upright.  
She seemed to understand as she gave his hand a little squeeze - when did she start holding it? - and got onto her feet again.

" get up kid, we're having family breakfast. "

Peter waved at her back as she closed the door, and let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding before he slowly got up and padded over to the full body mirror that was hung on his wall.

He still had to ask Mr Stark to take that down.  
He stood in front of it, back turned towards the reflective surface as he slowly got dressed, turning around again to see how his chest was now flat and in every way like it should look.

That never got old.

After he had dressed himself fully he opened the door and moved down the hall, the guest room he had slept in so long a little plate with his name on it had been hung next to the entrance, was stationed close to the common room, only a few steps and a trip with the elevator later and he was met with muffled voices and laughter.

The room was filled with voices he had grown familiar with greeting him. Faces he still saw as one of his heroes but that he had now also accepted as his friends looking up at him as he entered.

Another thing that would never get old.

He sat down next to Tony, Thor on his other side, a habit he had gotten into as both were the first two Avengers that had really been caring about him since he had come over more often.

But now he felt slightly awkward as he dived into his breakfast that Clint had set in front of him, Peter signing a thank you to the man which made him smile even though it was the millionth time he did so.

But Thor was looking at him strangely, and he eyed Natasha as to ask her if she had said anything. The woman shaking her head before she took another sip of her coffee.

Going against popular beliefs, she drunk her coffee with both milk and sugar.

But Thor didn't take his eyes off him until he had finished his breakfast and he dared to look down, see if the binder had shown some lumps or anything strange about him that could make the god so curious.

He found nothing.

But as he stood from his place, announcing that he had some homework to do, Thor stood as well, walking close behind him until they reached his room.

The god towered over him, the shirt he was wearing seeming to have a hard time containing the muscles he was gifted with. And Peter was once again reminded about his rather embarrassing crush on the man.

But Thor looked at him again before nodding his head and leaving without a word.

And Peter was left wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean.

***

The first time it happened he had gotten to the compound to find it nearly empty.

All of the Avengers go on a mission that required everyone except for him and Thor it seemed, as the God of Thunder sat on the couch, talking with a pale, significantly thinner man.

Peter realised quickly who this had to be and his heart started pounding in his chest.

"Hello, man of spiders! This is my brother Loki!"

"They, Thor."

"Ah. My apologies. This is my sibling Loki."

Peter walked towards them slowly, looking at the individual before him.

Most would've been afraid. But, one who spends time with Thor long enough will develop a soft spot for his mischievous brother.

Or a sibling. Huh, he hadn't known that.

" Hello, Mx. Loki! I'm so happy to finally meet you!"

The frost giant seemed taken aback a bit.

"You're... glad to meet me?"  
"Of course! Thor told us you're a good guy now and I've always loved your fighting style and you seem like a cool person and the magic thing is really fascinating to me and-"

Thor cut him off with a laugh.

"The man of spiders had been a big fan of yours! He even drew us both once! It looked quite charming."

After a beat of silence and Thor looking at him with that weird look he had had a few mornings ago, he got onto his feet.

"Well, I am needed someplace else! You both enjoy your time together."

He walked off a little too quick for Peter to believe the lie he told.  
Loki seemed to share his suspicion.

"He has always been a rather terrible liar I am afraid. The real reason why he so rudely left us is that he had told me you needed assistance."

Peter was taken by surprise at that, taking another step before carefully sitting next to the god, the place thor had sat just a moment ago.

"Mx Loki I'm not sure I know what you mean. I don't need help I think I'm fi-"  
"You are transgender, correct?"

Peters' heart stopped for a moment. Though if it showed on his face Loki didn't comment on it.

"I-yeah I am but how did you...?"  
"Dear it's fairly easy for me to notice. I've got a gift. So to speak. Now let us discuss some ways you might feel more comfortable in your own skin. I take that the other Avengers aren't aware?"

Peter shook his head, still baffled about the whole situation.  
But who could blame him?  
He was talking to a nonbinary God who seemed to know exactly what he needed to know at any given time. That being said Thor had once mentioned that his brother had once turned blue so he supposed he shouldn't be surprised at anything anymore.

"First things first I can offer to cast a spell that will compress your chest without needing a binder, that way it shall be both safer and less noticeable and you shall be able to wear the suit without restrains. Completely removing them I can not do until you're 18. That is a Midgardian rule and I have caused too much trouble on this planet to break any more rules. "

Peter just gaped at him, eyes wide and completely and utterly speechless.

" I- Loki I don't -... "  
" If you are comfortable with me doing that of course. I understand it may be odd but I can cast it right now so you can see if it feels comfortable enough for you to consider. You would have to take that worn out thing of first, of course. "

He pointed at his chest as they spoke, and Peter looked down, half expecting his binder to be visible in some way. It wasn't. Neither were the small lumps the binder wasn't able to hide.

" I-yeah I'll do that I think. "

How can one say no to that kind of offer?

"I'll just-... I'll go to my room and get changed if you don't mind I don't... Really feel comfortable..."

"That is quite understandable spider child. I shall wait here."

With that Loki put one skinny leg over the other, a silent signal that their conversation was over. Or perhaps for him to go change.

He did the later quickly, struggling a bit as the thing wouldn't come off fast enough. And taking a long look in the mirror before stepping into the hallway again.

Tugging at his shirt, trying any position the fabric would make his chest less visible in, he walked over to the couch again.  
Deciding that just holding the hem of his shirt stretched out would be the best answer to that pained question he looked up at Loki who just gave him a sympathetic look.

"My lord kid you remind me of myself before I learned to... That doesn't matter right this moment. I shall cast the spell right this second. It is painless so do not brace yourself to it. The worst it can do is tickle."

The green hue, similar to the one scarlet witch could make appear at will seemed to surround him suddenly, it tingled indeed, but suddenly the shirt he had finally let go of felt less stretched and hung loosely around his torso. He blinked, felt at his chest, blinked again and then looked at the god in front of him, wide eyes filled with wonder as the biggest grin nearly tore his face in half.

"not bad eh?"

He turned around quickly towards the sound, greeted by Thor who was standing in the doorframe, leaning against the polished wood with a gentle smile on his lips as he looked past Peter, eyes Loki who simply nodded.

"I-Thank you..." was all he could bring himself to say, eyes still staring down at his own body in wonder, fingers brushing the fabric of the shirt just barely, as if afraid he'd feel that something was still there if he touches his actual chest.

"Call me Loki, spiderling. Thor and I must go and discuss some issues, though I am sure we shall see each other very soon," they said, a small, genuine smile playing on their lips before standing, gracefully walking over to their brother, Peter just watched them in silence as they walked out.

"So about Sleipnir..." was the last bit of their conversation he was able to hear before the door slid shut.

He stood in that same exact position for two minutes straight before snapping back into reality and going to his room to grab his phone, texting Ned about how he had just met Loki themselves.

***

The next time they met was indeed not long after.  
Two days to be exact.

Loki had held themselves busy with walking around the city in disguise, always seeming to exactly miss the times when Peter was at the tower.

Though as he walked down the hallway after exiting the guest bedroom (May was out of town with a friend and Tony had gratefully agreed on letting Peter stay with him) he noticed how the common room was quieter than usual.

He smelled the expensive perfume even before he saw her, sitting among the slightly uncomfortable looking Avengers.

A simple green crop top with height waist ripped black jeans, the rips showing fishnets she was wearing underneath. Legs crossed and silently drinking from he coffeecup while making direct eye contact with Peter as soon as he looked at her.

"Hello, Peter."

"Oh hey, kid! I'm sure you've heard of Loki right? She came to visit from whatever planet she's been hanging out at."

"I appreciate the subtlety Stark."  
"Anything for the woman who threw me out of a window."

Peter stood in the middle of the common room for a moment before finally walking over to the long table and sitting in his usual place.

"Ah, I should probably explain why the kid is so starstruck. We met a couple of days ago. My... Form, was different at the time. I'm a shape-shifter child, that's all you need to know really."

"I think she is what you Midgardians call 'genderfluid'"  
"Oh don't forget a pansexual brother. That's a fun term as well"

"What's pansexual?"

All head now turned to Steve, who met with all the stares, suddenly felt embarrassed for even asking.

Though Loki didn't seem to mind, simply fumbling with one of her earnings as she stared the man down.

"You know how you're bisexual, captain?"  
The room was dead silent as Steve nodded, not seeming to be aware of the confusion of the others.

"That, but with all genders. I like the personality rather than the gender, to put it in your terms."  
"Ah alright. Thank you for explaining."

And after a few moments:  
"Why all the looks. You all knew we were dating right?"  
Now everyone looked at Bucky and carefully as if afraid they might be saying something wrong, a few of the heroes nodded.

Bucky simply rolled his eyes and took another bite of his toast.

"Why'd you meet the kid anyway? You didn't do anything to him right?"  
"I'm afraid I did Barnes."  
"Excuse me?"

Mr Stark now looked angry, as if ready to call on one of his suits, though Peter hushed him quickly."

"Mr Stark she didn't do anything bad to me I promise. She erm-... helped me, more than anything really."

"With what exactly kid?"

"So they don't know then I assume? Interesting."  
"The hell is that supposed to mean enchantress?"  
"Miss Loki, please-"

She raised an eyebrow at that, the silent way of saying 'really kid?' clear from the look she gave him.

"Does this mean you do not want them to know?"  
"No... I mean yes-... maybe! But I don't know how to bring it up or how they'd react."

The fact that they were having this conversation in front of the people he wanted to hide it from so desperately was quite bizarre. But then again, bizarre had become a normal thing in his life once he got bitten by that spider.

"Ah. But if you're scared of their reactions then why don't we figure out what they would be? Stark, may I request of you to ask your team to come to stand in a line in front of me for a moment, I will not harm any of you in the slightest and the mindreading is completely painless."

"Not so big on mind stuff after what you did in New York miss, I gotta say."  
"My apologies for that once again mister Barton. But I am quite certain that this will ultimately outweigh your discomfort with 'mind stuff' as you so wonderfully phrase it."

Clint let out a deep sigh but stood none the less, taking out his hearing aid just to be sure; last time his mind was messed with the thing had been damaged and he had to get a new one.

"What is this all about Peter? Is it really that important to you that we have to just trust Loki on this one?"  
"Mr Rogers sir, I know this is weird and all but it's kind of a big thing for me and I-... Well, I'm scared your view of this might be different or less, uhm... expanded?"  
"'t Kid's scared Steve, for fuck sake just let her poke around in your mind a bit, I'm sure it won't do any harm. Besides if she wanted to fry us she would have done it by now."

Peter smiled nervously at Tony after he'd said that, finding it strangely comforting that his mentor was willing to put himself in possible danger just so he would feel less nervous.

"Ah fuck it why not," Natascha said while standing from her place at the dinner table and walking up to Loki, Peter had always loved the way she walked, quiet yet graceful, like a ballerina. "In the name of our love for Peter and all that junk. Just zap me with whatever stick you have to use for this to work Loki, I'm sure we have all had worse."

Peter, while trying to not get slightly overwhelmed by the fact that they all slowly stood from their respective places on the table and walked over to where they stood, watched how Loki shook her head with something resembling a smirk with a hint of care hidden behind the whit, and placed her palm carefully on Natascha's forehead.

The woman in question blinked a few times as if she had been dazed and stepped backwards for a second before letting out a sigh and turning towards Peter.

"You already knew I was okay with it why did she have to grab around in my mind as well?"  
"Let's just say that, if you were able to easily endure it then the others will no longer be afraid to undergo the same. Though I must compliment you, though it might be a strange one, your mind is remarkably strong miss Romanoff. "  
"Thanks... I guess?"

After that she gave Peter a side hug, giving the kid a wink before they watched how Clint walked up next, carefully getting closer to Loki as if she were a dangerous animal.

"Wait a second how come I don't know what's going on with my own mentee but Natascha does?"  
"Because, miss Romanoff-" "Call me Natascha Pete, we talked about this." "was a part of a series of unfortunate events that led her to know about it, Mr Stark. And I'm sorry you don't yet it's just... pretty difficult for me to say."

"I understand that kid no worries, but you did not just make a reference to the show were watching together while I'm trying to be a good role model and get you to open up."

Peter smiled at him for that. Though the smile dropped as soon as his eyes focused on Clint again. The man, a trained assassin specifically made so he was to show no weakness whatsoever, was shaking slightly as he stepped closer to Loki.

As he flinched back from her merely moving her hand upwards Peter had had enough.  
"Miss Loki I know this is happening because I sort of asked you to but... Well, Mr Hawkeye seems really shaken from the last time you two met and I don't want him to feel that way again."  
"While that is understandable, this is the only way I am able to access the memories we need to get this information ."

Peter inhaled sharply before straightening his back and making the mental decision.  
"Then I just have to do it without that like any normal person has to do."  
He repeated that sentence as Clint looked at him questioningly before grabbing his hearing aid again, turning it on and gesturing for him to say it again.  
"Hey man, don't worry about me I can easily-" Clint went to protest but stopped mid-sentence as Peter just shook his head, swallowing around the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat as he faced the other Avengers, the broken up line of people all looked at him somewhat confused as he started talking again.

"You all know that this is important to me already from... well, all of this I guess. So telling you if a bit nervewracking...  
Can we- can we all just kinda sit down in the living room or something? I feel like I'm about to give a presentation in front of my class which, for the few of you who actually went to a normal school, isn't really known as a fun feeling."

They all nodded quietly and followed him, Loki and Natascha towards the living room, Tony quickly running forward to sit next to the kid and wrap an arm around his shoulder for comfort.

After they had all sat down and the silence had stretched itself over several minutes, Bruce was the one to break it.

"Before you start I just want to say that... Well, we all support you. This is clearly causing you distress and whatever it is, we can deal with this together and help you through."

Peter gave the scientist a smile at that, knowing how he had lacked a support system for the first few years of being the Hulk and how hard that must've been. And suddenly he felt dumb for making it such a big deal.

"Okay here goes, Oh yeah cap uhm... or any of you really. If you don't understand a term just tell me and I'll explain okay? So... yeah."  
"This is causing you, distress man of spiders, maybe if I tell and you-" "No miss Loki, thank you but no, I'll be fine I just... I need to do this myself."

He took another deep breath and looked at his feet, finding it would make talking easier than when he looked right at his heroes, his family, while doing so.

"So you all are familiar with the LGBT community right?"  
Steve slowly rose his hand but Bucky grabbed it, intertwining their fingers as he whispered an explanation into his ear, the captain nodding at it so Peter just assumed he had explained the term well enough and continued.

"Okay, well-wait no let me start over that was stupid uhm-... Okay, so there's this mental disorder called gender dysphoria. It's basically your brain not matching with how you look and wanting to change the outside so it matches the inside better."  
"Like finding yourself to short or chubby or skinny?"  
"Uhm, no Mr Clint sir. No, but close and uhm... it can be? Being too short causes some people dysphoria as they believe it doesn't match with who they want to be. It's very confusing to explain haha."

He laughed awkwardly, not knowing how to continue without just bluntly telling them without knowing what their reactions could be first.

But Mr Stark's arm that rested on his shoulder was warm and comforting, and god he wanted to tell them so badly it made him feel like he was drowning.

"It's like if miss Loki was stuck being a man forever but she felt like a woman all of a sudden, she would not feel comfortable at all but because she would look like a man people would call her by the male pronoun and let her do male things."

He hadn't stopped staring at the floor, though he could feel the confusion radiate from at least a few of them after his complicated rant.

"I-... well that was me, I mean opposite of course but yeah. I was-I was born with everything that should make me female, so body, voice and parents that gave me a girls name and raised me as such. Everything except for the brain. And-and I figured it out when I was thirteen, why it felt like something was off I mean. And May was and still is very supportive and we went to get a binder for me and we-"  
"Peter I advice you look up for a moment."

At miss Loki's words, the kids head shot up, eyes slightly widening when he saw how four hands of which one made of metal, were raised into the air. As if they were in a classroom with him being the teacher and his actual heroes the, apparently confused, students.

Fear started to settle in after the first question.

"What is your actual name then?"

Of course, Bucky could not know that that exact question was dreaded amongst the trans community, it didn't help with the pang of dysphoria that stirred under his skin after hearing the words though. 

'actual name. Because 'Peter' isn't. He'll start calling you that once he finds it out, they all will. Because you'll never be a real b-' His train of thought was cut off by Loki positively growling at the ex-assassin, her black, catlike nails, digging into the soft couch cushions she was sat on as she glared at the man who, though surprise, seemed to be unphased by her threat.

"Let me translate that for you. What my sister means with that animalistic sound is that Peter, in fact, is his real name. It is possible that he has yet to change it in your earth's records but nonetheless, if he finds the name Peter to be worthy of him and describing him best then you will call him just that: Peter."

The boy in question stared at the god of thunder for a good few seconds in amazement. The way Thor explained it was so smooth and sounded natural compared to his way of forcing the words out and stumbling over them as he did so.

"Sorry didn't mean to offend you Pete, just curious."  
Peter smiled at Bucky, showing he wasn't taking it to heart or serious in any way before he looked back at them all, three hands still up in the air.

He nodded towards Wanda, now cautious of who to pick, avoiding his mentors question on purpose. He had to find a way to prepare for being kicked out of the team after all.

"Yeah hey. A none threatening question... I hope. But uhm, Peter what's a binder?"

He let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding; this he could deal with, just explaining things wasn't hard once the actual issue was on the table.

"A binder is a kind of tank top with a thicker layer in the front which compresses your... front area? The things you want gone, it makes them less obvious."  
"You mean breasts?"  
"Yes, of course, he means breasts, Barton. But transgenders usually are not comfortable confronting the fact that they are actually there if not strictly needed."

Clint made a slight ah noise after Loki's explanation and signed for them to continue, smiling at Peter apologetically.

"Yeah. So it kind of helps you hide stuff you don't want to be there which also helps sell you as the gender you want to be seen as in public and everywhere else really. It also lessens dysphoria so I don't want to hide in a corner and die each time I go out." The last part was said more as a joke, though there was, of course, the underlying truth behind it.

But luckily none of them seemed to mind, Tony just huffing and mumbling 'same' before Peter decided that was a good enough explanation and he moved on to another one. Bruce, in this case.

"Okay, first of all, I want to say that I'm proud of you for telling us this and that I support you 100%. Gender dysphoria is real and from what I've heard from you and other doctors their patients, also a real pain in the ass. My question was more about your safety though. So uhm, may I perhaps see your binder and also ask what exactly it is that Loki did to help you. I'm not distrusting I promise but I want to make sure that it is completely safe."

'i uhm- Miss Loki is probably better at explaining what she did to help me herself as I don't know how it works. Thor assured me it was safe so I trusted them with it."

Loki nodded at him before starting to explain the spell and what it did. That it was initially an illusion but wouldn't harm Peter in any way and that it could stay on all the time because of that.

After the explanation and the scientist smiling in understanding, Peter nodded, smiling at Bruce before getting up and running to his room to grab the binder.

As he returned, Bruce was talking to the others quietly, Loki, in particular, seemed to be pleased with how the other explained how they couldn't ask particular questions even if they didn't think they would be offensive.

And Peter stood in the doorway for a while before quietly placing his hands and feet on the wall and climbing upwards, doing so until he was on the ceiling before he moved to sit right above them.

Natascha noticed, looking up for a moment and giving him a quick smile before continuing to listen to Bruce ramble on about how some things might be offensive.

After a while, Loki held up her hand to stop the scientist from explaining to Steve that no, he can't ask what the kid had in his pants, and snapped her head into Peter's direction.

"I think you should come down Peter, it's fun to spy on people but I assure you, you can trust these particular humans."

Peter let himself drop down right in front of Tony and sat down on the floor in front of the genius, handing Bruce the binder for inspection before working up the courage to actually make eye contact with his mentor.

Tony looked at him with an emotion swirling over his face that he couldn't quite identify.

"Kid. If it's alright with you I'd rather have my part of the 'we love an accept you' speech that seems to be going around in private."

Peter nodded quietly before getting onto his feet again and following Tony into his bedroom, eyeing miss Loki nervously even though he was now slightly more confident that the Iron man wouldn't kick him off the team just like that.  
Loki just gave him a reassuring look before turning her back on him, the last he saw was her black hair moving as she shook her head at something Thor had said before the door closed and they were alone.

The almost deafening silence that swept through the room had him checking if Tony was even in there with him and hadn't just bailed or something like that.

The mechanic, in fact, was still in the room, standing a few feet away from him and seemingly trying to build up the courage to do something.

"Okay. Don't freak out on me okay kid this might seem weird for a bit but here goes."  
With that Tony started unbuttoning the shirt he was wearing, Peter, making wide eyes and taking a step back before suddenly freezing in place.

There, on his mentor's chest, were two white lines just underneath his breast, the scars barely noticeable underneath the criss-cross of scar tissue that he had because of the removed arc reactor and the even more recent removal of the housing for the nanoparticles, but they were there. 

Peter knew he shouldn't stare but it was fascinating to him that someone like Tony Stark had-...  
The pang of surprise just barely covered the sting in his chest as he looked at his mentors butchered chest, the two scars the least noticeable or severe ones that made it so Tony would never go swimming with the other Avengers.

"I want you to know that you're loved, Pete. You're so fucking loved and appreciated that it makes me want to throw up but it's important that you don't forget that. It'll spare you a world of suffering and uncertainty if you do kid so remember: We got your back."

Peter nodded, only realising he had tears streaming down his face when Tony called his name again, the worry and adoration in it so prominent that it made the kid want to surge forwards and hug him so very tight.

He didn't though.  
Instead, he just wiped his face and smiled up at his mentor, eyes shining brightly even through the tears that were still making their way downwards.  
"I'm okay Mr Stark. I'm okay."


	2. Tony's repression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tells the team after Peter encourages him to do so.
> 
> God how he regrets it.
> 
> !Not Beta read!

"Have you told the team yet?"  
"Pardon me?"

They were sitting on the balcony, Tony having been awoken by Friday telling him that Peter was up and about while the clock showed him that it was 3 in the morning. After a sigh -he himself hadn't been able to sleep either as Pepper was not currently curled up against his back keeping the nightmares away but somewhere in Indonesia- and stepped out of bed.

Pepper was in Indonesia discussing the next steps that part of the company should take towards their current goal: making the arc reactor energy less expensive to provide everyone with cleaner energy.

Of course, that was more important than her being his form of a nightlight. Didn't mean he had to like it though.

So he had gotten up, bare feet padding quietly against the cold flooring as he walked towards the glass doors that were swung wide open, a lonely silhouette sitting on the ledge that had originally just been a stylish choice, though it now having pillows and such on it as it was used quite a lot.

And there they sat.

He supposed Peters curiosity combined with the knowledge of him being transgender, adding the teams seeming unawareness about the topic, was enough for Peter to simply have to ask.

that didn't make it any less hard or awkward to answer though.

"They don't know. I think the only one that has seen me shirtless is Bruce and he didn't seem to notice. The rest of them don't have a clue either which is quite hilarious seeing as it was quite the scandal back in the day.  
But then again, Howard coveted it up miraculously, The sister I never had, had died and I myself was a kid that a woman left at their house one morning. I wasn't allowed out for four months because my appearance hadn't changed enough for it to be convincing. "

He looked over, seeing Peter had gotten a bit pale at the mentioning of Tony's dad and the story attached to the name.  
Thinking back on it, the kid had probably been told the whole sob story by Natascha who was the only one able to access the original file S.H.I.E.L.D had on him, or he had done extensive research and had connected the many loose dots as a few other superfans had done.

"Sorry for getting all depressing on ya kid." He said instead, changing the blank stare into a smile and clapping Peter on the back awkwardly.

"But no, haven't told them, probably should and probably will now that I know they're all a-okay with it."

Peter nodded, absently running his hands over his chest, a tic he'd picked up quickly after the whole ordeal with Loki and her magic binder powers. When he asked about it the kid replied saying it lessened his dysphoria on days that it was high and he couldn't seem to remember that it was now almost permanently flat.

"You don't have to tell them, Mr Stark. But it might help them understand you a bit better and you might have a bit more freedom to talk about it if you do."

Tony nodded, once again baffled about the wisdom this eighteen-year-old kid seemed to possess.

"I'll tell them, kid. Now come on, let's get you back to bed, I'll stay in your room if you want to."

Peter smiled and got up from the ledge.  
They didn't talk about the reason he would stay there and watch over the kid because it had shown to help with the nightmares. Didn't talk about how Tony had found him shaking and staring blankly out over the city, shoulders hunched over as if the pieces of concrete that had crashed down on him were still there.

Tony didn't talk about his traumas, and Peter seemed content not doing so either. So they didn't, the older man just providing comfort whenever Peter seemed shaken or asked for it, distracting him from the memories with small talk.

As they got back to Peters room and Tony had settled in the slightly uncomfortable chair after throwing the mountain of clothes off of it, they bid each other goodnight, the engineer knowing full well that he wouldn't sleep at all and that his back would hurt like hell if he did, though not minding it as he saw how Peter seemed to relax into the pillows.

He'd tell the team, they'd just have to deal with it.

It's not like anything would change.

-

"Why the team meeting?"  
"Man, why the hell did I have to wake up from my nap?"

The team sat around the same table they'd been told about the accords on, Thor having left Loki in the new Asgard this time and the thunder god himself looking as if he wanted to go back as quickly as possible, Natasha, Barnes and Steve in their gym clothes looking as if they'd just ran three marathons, Bruce in sweatpants looking like the only one happy to hear his friend out and Clint staring at him as if he'd murder Tony if whatever he was about to say wouldn't be worthy of waking him up for.

They'd lived in the same four walls again for over three years and yet he was still awfully uncomfortable whenever any of them seemed displeased.

He'd promised Peter he'd tell them though.  
And Tony Stark a lot of things, but a quitter wasn't one of them.

"So you all remember the whole ordeal with Peter we had last week right? Might be a bit foggy as 7 days is a long time but I'm sure you all remember..."

Bruce snickered while Clint just rolled his eyes in a way that simply screamed 'I don't have enough coffee in me to deal with your bullshit'.

Well then.  
Here goes nothing.

"Well, as we've all established that you're all cool people who don't care about all that I decided that I might as well tell you all."

Bruce seemed to be the only one who realised what Tony was about to say. Eyes widening a bit though smiling at his friend to show that it wasn't a big deal, that he could tell them, that it was alright.

" So when I was born they named me Natascha, I know nat, twinsies. I knew that wasn't me when I was around 15 and Howard did a great job at covering it up and all. But I thought you all deserved to know."

Saying the name felt weird as if he was talking about someone that didn't exist, someone that had passed away and he was now disrespecting. Though he'd thought that being as straight to the point as possible would help them understand a bit faster so Clint could go back to his nap and he could go downstairs and drown himself in work to forget this ever happened.

Thought it seemed it would take a little longer as he anticipated as three of his teammates jumped on their feet, the rest, minus Bruce, looking as if they were either going to ask a million questions or rip him apart right then and there.

"You're transgender?" Bruce asked. No judgement in his voice whatsoever, just a question to clear things up.

He couldn't recall the exact moment that everything exploded, though his best guess was that it started right after he nodded to confirm Bruce's question.

"And you didn't bother telling us until now?"  
"We've known each other for over ten years, Tony, what the actual fuck"  
"If this is a joke you're dead Stark."  
"And here I was thinking you finally started trusting us but nooo."

He recoiled a bit, stepping back, back now flush against the wall, suddenly missing his shades that he hadn't worn inside the compound for over a year now.

"Guys calm down he's just-"  
"Bruce he hid a major part of his life from us for over a decade, they're allowed to be upset with him."

Andddd there it was; Steve's voice changing from the soft gentle tone to the harsh demanding one he used while talking to the press or giving orders. The Captain America voice, as they'd started calling it, filled the room and took away space that oxygen would have normally filled, took away the space he needed to breathe properly.

He could do this though, they were kind to Peter, they'd be kind to him. They'd be kind to him they'd be kind to him they'd-

"This just proves he doesn't trust us. You know we've tried Tony, but you have your head so far up your ass that you can't seem to notice the actual effort we put into getting to know you."

See, he could try to excuse Clint for lashing out because he was mad about his nap, but the rest of them seemed just as upset, Steve positively fuming, Bucky just seeming confused thought slowly getting mad as a result of everyone around him being upset.

And whoop, there was the pain in his chest.

"Yeah, so you all seem upset, Clint, you can go back to your nap, you all go frolic along to whatever you were doing before okay? Okay. Good talk."

He walked towards the door quickly, keeping calm with his willpower alone and by promising himself that he wouldn't exit the lab for three days after this.

That is, he was doing that until someone grabbed his arm almost painfully tight.

" Tony, sit down, the conversation isn't done."

Steve. Right, yeah, okay. Stay calm. You can do this. Stay calm.

"My bad old man." your voice didn't break, good, keep that up, stay calm. Don't start hyperventilating here. Stay fucking calm.

He sat down now, tapping against his leg quickly under the table, for the first time in decades feeling the urge to hunch over to hide his chest, to hide his everything.

"So your name is Natascha?"  
Ouch. Okay, he could do this, they didn't know a lot about it so it was only normal for them to ask these questions. He'd be fine. He'd be fine.

"My name is Tony. Here and on paper. I legally changed it years ago. But the name my parents gave me was Natascha yes."

"And you started wanting to be a male when you were 15, so years before we all met."

He nodded, nervous as he realised Steve's voice hadn't changed back to his normal one, the cold tone and cold eyes and cold everything making him want to crawl away even more.

" And you decided to only tell us this very important info now?"  
"I mean it's not important for the missions so I didn't think-"  
"you didn't think we'd get it? You really think we're that close minded?"

He twitched, nails digging into his own leg as the volume of Steve's voice rose to near shouting level at the end of the sentence.

"Friend Steve, I don't think this is the right approach to this situ-"  
"Thor, if you do not like the way the situation is progressing then you can leave the room. Now Tony-"  
The god recoiled as if he had been slapped, Steve's harsh words never before having been directed at him making for him quickly getting to his feet, giving Tony an apologetic smile before leaving the room.

" - I don't understand how you can have your head so far up your ass to not understand that we are trying to form an actual normal friendship with you. But since you make it so impossible for us to do so, we might as well not even try."

"Steve" Bruce warned, looking from Tony to Steve and back to Tony, watching with growing anger as his friend seemed to be on the edge of a panic attack, something he hadn't had in months, and his other friend just made it worse and worse.

Steve didn't seem to notice though. That, or he simply didn't care.

"You know we might as well throw you out, make you go back to one of your mansions, it's not like you'd care enough to stay. As long as you have your fucking Robo friends and your AI you couldn't care less, could you?"

"Steve," Bruce said it louder now, more urgent, fists clenched and jaw set tight.  
"Hey Steve, I think... I think that's enough"

Even Bucky spoke up now, looking at his best man in worry, glancing over at Tony every few seconds, the whole team seeming to realise how close to panic he was.

They weren't wrong.  
Tony sat in the uncomfortable office chair as if frozen, wanting to desperately get up and get away but too scared to do so, eyes locked on Steve's as if, if he dared to look away, he'd explode.

Steve, seemingly getting every little annoyance and anger he'd had over Tony for the past two years out of his system, seemed as if he couldn't care less.

"Be honest, you'd rather just get rid of us all wouldn't you? You selfish fucking wanna-be man. Acting as if you're so much better then all of us while we'd all rather you just fucking disap-"  
"STEVE."

The captain's jaw snapped shut in the middle of finishing the word, eyes widening in horror as if only now realising everything he'd said.

That didn't take it away though.

The room was deadly quiet as Tony gave a shaky nod, smiled once before he got up.

" Good talk. Bye everyone, cap," he said, before walking towards the door, opening and closing it quietly and leaving the whole team in silence for a solid minute before all hell broke loose.

"what the actual fuck was that Steve?"  
"He opens up to us and you shoot him down right then and there."  
"Did you see his face?"

At the last comment, everyone fell silent again, the pure panic just behind Tony's eyes had made even the two assassins uncomfortable. Bruce's neck the lightest tint of green as he clenched and unclenched his fists.

"We screwed this up royally."  
"Oh, you think Steve?"

Bucky stared at his boyfriend as if he were an entirely different person, the shaky anger in his voice just minutes before was something he'd never heard before, something he didn't think Steve Grant Rogers was capable of.

"We have to go and apologise," Steve whispered, already walking towards the door, all of the others nodding and following him, Bruce the only one that stayed seated.

They wouldn't be able to get to him. He knew the way Tony had acted too well.  
The lab would be locked and soundproof by now. The sobs that definitely wrecked his body by not able to be heard anywhere but inside of it.

Shit.

-

So, that hadn't gone well.

At fucking all.

He stumbled into the elevator, clawing at his chest as if to remind himself that nothing was there anymore. Though the phantom pain of the arc made him hiss as his scratch marks turned the untouched skin red and the scar tissue covering most of his chest seemed to hurt more.

They'd accepted it. They hadn't started calling him by his deadname.

So why the hell had it gone so wrong?

"Friday. Lab... Please, I need-lab Fri." the AI didn't respond, though the doors slid shut and with them he slid to the floor, clutching his head and trying to remember how to breathe.

But breathing was hard when a part of his lungs had been removed to fit the arc reactor.

And the suffocating feeling of not getting enough air reminded him of the cave and the water and the car battery and oh god.

The doors slid open again and he tried to hoist himself up to get to the lab, though he found he couldn't move, legs not working and shaking too heavily to even consider walking.

His body too weak.  
His mind to loud.  
Their voices too real.

"Fri shut-...the elevator, shut it down."

The noise of the elevator powering down made him relax a bit more knowing they wouldn't be able to get into his lab now.

He'd be alone.

All alone.

" Stark?"

His head snapped up, trying to focus his vision - when had he started crying? - on the person standing in the middle of his lab, moving loser rapidly.

"Tony, are you with me?"  
Loki.

That was definitely Loki's voice.

"Stark, Thor called me, what did they do?"

"s'fine. 'm fine."  
"Bullshit."

The harsh tone made him recoil again.  
This shouldn't have gone wrong.  
Why the hell did it go wrong?  
Maybe Steve was right.

"Okay Stark, I'm going to call Peter okay? He is familiar with these things isn't he?"  
Tony nodded along, before realising what Loki had said and shaking his head violently, dizzyness clouding his vision at the quick movement.

"No. Pete-Peter can't-he doesn't-no."

"Okay Stark, okay. No Peter. Just, tell me what I can do."

Stark. God, he hated his last name. Howard Stark always a part of him.

"Alone. Want to be alone."  
"Okay Stark, I'll leave you, just... Call somebody that can help okay? I'll talk to Rogers."

Shit. That whole situation still had to be dealt with.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

He blinked once and Loki was gone, leaving him alone again.

"Friday, start counting--please Fri."  
"Certainly boss. 1000. 999. 998-"

-

"You told them?"  
"Yeah."

Tony turned his head towards Peter, sunken in eyes empty and carefully hidden behind his shades even though it was dark out. Clothes baggy as if trying to hide curves that were no longer there.

Steve's words still echoed in his mind, The yelling that hadn't stopped for hours after Loki tried to talk Rogers into apologising to him and Rogers stubbornly refusing to acknowledge his wrongdoing. The captain coming down to the workshop in the end and mumbling something about how he was sorry while his voice told Tony he clearly didn't mean it.  
The way they hadn't talked for a month now, their slowly growing bond having shattered like glass after that fallout.

"How'd it go?"

He smiled at Peter, shewed up lips stretching painfully wide in his attempt to convince the teen that he hadn't locked himself in his lab for over a week and that he hadn't needed Pepper to pry a blade out of his hand.

"Great Pete. It went great.

" I'm glad Mr Stark. I told you they'd get it."

"Yeah. Yeah, you did, kid."


	3. Both of their progression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Peter lets Captain Rogers know just how upset he is with him after finding out what had been said to Tony.
> 
> Trigger/squick warning: this part has a brief mention of selfharm in it. Read on with caution kids and stay safe

It was an understatement to say that there was tension in the compound after Tony had told his teammates.

You could practically feel it in the air. Static electricity whenever he and Steve got to close. The odd feeling of trying to push two magnets with the same polls onto each other would be how he'd best describe it.

They hadn't had a falling out just yet, just avoiding each other and hm ignoring the glances he'd get from the team.

It was like the accords all over again.  
He'd stopped trying to talk to them as they simply wouldn't respond whenever he did. He'd stopped trying to talk to all of them, even the ones that tried to keep up conversations with him like Bruce or Thor.

He'd lock himself in the lab more often, wouldn't get invited to come up for dinner or the movie nights they'd all agreed to go to as an effort to bond with the team again.

They'd stopped dragging him out of the lab, stopped worrying he'd work himself into the ground or forget to eat for too long and faint. Stopped caring if he did.

The days Peter came over were the once most of the team disappeared, either of to the gym that they had somehow been able to lock or 'visiting friends'. Being called away on missions had been thrown into the mix of excuses a few times as well, though not too often because otherwise, it might become suspicious. 

And it was fine, honestly. Because Friday reminded him about how Peter would be there in an hour, he'd get up from whatever desk or workbench he was working on, take a shower, get into some proper clothes, made sure he ate something so he wouldn't faint when the kid was there and then went upstairs, still enough time left on the clock for him to force his hands to stop shaking from simply being up there, in the space he wasn't wanted. In his compound that he was no longer welcome in.

The days Peter came over were the once that he actually smiled, talking about the kid's day at school or their most recent -not dangerous- project.

And he knew it had gotten worse.

He knew it had gotten bad because Pepper came down to the shop the first few days, trying to pry him off of his work and into their bed so he could sleep.  
He knew it had gotten bad because Pepper came down to the shop one day and told him she needed a break, would come back when he had figured this all out. That she was sorry that she couldn't help him but that this one he'd have to do alone because it was hurting her mental state as well.

He knew it had gotten worse because he doesn't remember what he said back to her, though he thinks he agreed because that was the last time she'd come down there.

He knew it had gotten bad again because now Peter snapped his fingers in front of his face, a frown deforming the kids normally so happy face as he looked at his mentor.

Right. The kid was here, no time to zone out. Focus Tony, focus.

"Sorry champ, what'd you say?"  
"It's okay Mr Stark don't worry. I was just asking why I never see the rest of the Avengers around anymore. I know they're busy saving the world and stuff but if you're still here then those missions can't be that important right?"

He gave the kid a smirk at that last bit. It was honestly cute how he still thought of him as a hero, as the most important one even. He briefly wondered if there had ever been a time where he had seen himself as just that, a hero. A good guy.  
There must've been right?

"I'm flattered kid, but I guess the team just have other things to do. Thor is down in Asgard again but that can be excused, Bruce... Bruce is still here I think. Yeah, he should be wandering around somewhere, at least he was the last time we-" "Bruce went to Asgard with Thor, Mr Stark. He's been there for two weeks now as I haven't seen him the three times I was here."

Two weeks. Or three times his friend had fled the scene just like the others.  
Even Bruce had given up on trying. Huh.

"Oh yeah. Yeah, you're right kid, sorry my bad. My brain is too fast sometimes you know?  
Well, let's see. the Totally-Spies duo is probably of training baby assassins how to do a kickflip or something like that. Bucky is probably hanging with the captain and Steve-" why did it hurt to say his name, it shouldn't hurt to say someone's name! "Is either working out like there's no tomorrow or of somewhere serving justice and his spandex."

Peter nodded along, though it was obvious the kid started to doubt the excuses he had prepared for these types of questions. It had been four months goddammit, four months of asking why none of his favourite heroes was around to talk to him would make a boy suspicious, especially one with brains like Peters.

"Mr Stark, are they avoiding me?"

And wasn't that just heartbreaking, the kid thinking it was somehow his fault? He wouldn't stand for that though. Not in any of the nine realms or whatever Thor would usually say.

"No Pete, no no no. The team loves you, bud, don't you worry."

He should tell him, shouldn't he... God this was going to be awful.

"They really love you kid, I promise. They're... They're avoiding me. Yeah, the whole telling them about being trans thing didn't go as well as I'd hoped. But it's okay. They're taking their time and when they want to we can talk it out. No biggy."

Peter's frown deepened, not having expected that in the slightest though now worried about his mentor.

You see, where most people would describe Tony Stark as being dramatic and always blowing things out of proportion, the truth was that he more often than not made things out to be much better than they actually were.

Meaning that if he said that 'things didn't go as well as he'd hoped,' Peter was expecting an actual fistfight had happened with at least one of them trying to kill Tony.

"Friday, can you pull up the footage from that talk they had."  
"I'm afraid Boss deleted it, Mr Parker. "  
"Run override code Spiderling to get the file back and on my server okay?"  
"Pete, I don't think you wanna see that. It was boring anyway, nothing to worry abo-"  
"Footage restored Mr Parker. Shall I play it?"  
"On the big screen please Fri. Thank you for your help."

Son of a bitch. His AI turning against him was the last thing he needed right now.

"Kid, I'd really rather you wouldn't hack into my tech or watch that foota-"  
"Why the team meeting?'  
'Man, why the hell did I have to wake up from my nap?"  
The voices of Steve and Clint sounding all through the room and, what felt like, through the entire compound, had him snap his jaw shut so fast he was afraid he'd chipped his tooth, the footage going on and on while Peter looked at it intensely and Tony turned his back.

Peter watched through the entire eight minutes, right up until the point of Tony leaving the room and the camera switching to the one in the hallway to show his mentor slumping against the elevator wall, chest heaving as the doors slowly slid shut to hide him from any prying eyes that might be looking.

"That's enough Friday thank you so much."  
"Of course Mr Parker. Shall I call for an emergency team meeting?"  
Sometimes Peter really loved Tony for making his AI so independent and able to read the room.

"Yeah Fri, thank you. Mr Stark, you stay here okay? I'll clear this up."  
Tony just stared at him with wide eyes, trying to understand what in the world the kid needed the entire team for. The entire team, having a discussion without him right above his head. A discussion he wasn't wanted in.

"Pete, what in the world-"  
"Don't worry Mr Stark. I just want to catch up with them a bit. Haven't seen them in four months after all."

See, he would've believed the kid. If it wasn't for the ice-cold tone he said those words in, expression unreadable and jaw clenched.  
Oh, the kid was livid.

He was to slow to stop him though, because as soon as those last words had left his mouth he walked towards the door in long, fast strides, the glass door sliding shut behind him and as Tony tried to open it, staying shut as well.

"Boss I think it's best you stay here. Being in captain Rogers presence had proven to be a massive blow to your mental stability these last four months."  
"Fine Fri. I'll stay. But only because Pep would be mad at me if I destroyed another door.

-

It took the team all of ten minutes to all stagger into the living room, seeming as if none of them really wanted to be there or anywhere near those three comfy couches, one of which Peter was sat on, back perfectly straight and eyes cold as he watched them all walk in.

Thor and Banner were the first to come back, the Bifrost lighting up the clouded sky as they landed on the platform Tony had made specifically for Thor to land on. Both of them had the decency to look worried and ask Peter what was wrong as they sat down beside him.

Next were the two assassins, a miraculous five minutes it took them to emerge from their rooms. Yup, their rooms.  
Seems like they had actually been hiding out and not on some missions as Tony had suggested.

"Nat, Clint, sit down please."

The cold tone seemed to stun them all a bit as the two immediately sat down, both tense while glancing at Peter every few seconds as if he were a bomb about to explode.

He felt like one, anyway.

Though the anger really brimmed when, after Bucky had walked in two whole minutes before him, Steve Grant Rogers strutted into the room, looking ready to shout at someone, probably Tony, for calling an unnecessary team meeting, as he laid eyes on Peter.

"Hey Peter, what'd you need the whole team for?"

The whole team. As if this was it. The whole team. As if Tony had never been a part of it and they weren't standing in a compound the genius had bought and personalized for all of them.

And Peter could feel his anger rising to the surface. Though he pushed it down for now. Instead, remaining icy calm as he motioned for Steve to sit down.

"How are you all doing? Haven't seen you in, like what, four months?"  
The team shifted in their seats, uncomfortable with the topic and the clearly fuming teenager in front of them.

"Pete, is this what you called us in for? Because I don't think this is an emergency..."

Peter smiled at Bucky, showing his teeth like a shark before continuing.

"Yeah, sorry Mr Barnes, you're right. That isn't at all what I called you in for! Because frankly, I couldn't give two shits about how any of you are doing! What I am interested in though, is how my mentor is doing. Have any of you wondered that lately?"

The mood shifted from nervous to highly uncomfortable as they all exchanged glances with one another. Steve even shifted further back into the couch as if Peters ice-cold tone and the heat of his boiling anger just beneath it were burning him.

Good.

"I'm worried about him Peter, you know that. If this is about what happened I want you to know that I fully support him and don't agree with the way that the situation was handled at all. Neither does Thor I think."

The kid turned towards Banner who had said that, noticing how the scientist seemed as if he was about to cry.

"I know Dr Banner. Can you and Thor maybe go downstairs and see if Mr Stark is alright? Maybe get him some food or try to make him sleep. Thank you."

They could go. They had tried to stop the argument and, honestly, they were not the once he thought about impaling right now.

"Mr Barnes, you can go too. As long as you promise not to get dragged along in the captains anger again."

Bucky nodded quickly, giving Steve a shaky smile before practically running in the direction of their rooms.

None of them had seen Peter mad before. And honestly, it was fucking terrifying.

"Clint, Miss Romanoff, I hope you know how much you screwed up. He trusted you both. Started to call you his friends again. You pull this sort of stunt again and I'll make miss Potts kick you out of the compound.  
Make sure he knows how sorry you are and just be his friend. God knows he needs those."

The two assassins nodded, standing up quietly and going off to their room. Later on, they would laugh about how someone that was just a kid could have intimidated them this much. But for now, they were happy to escape the anger while they could, giving Steve a sympathetic look before their room doors slid shut.

That left him completely alone with the captain.

And oh boy, he didn't think he'd ever been this angry before.

"Kid, in my defence, it's not okay to hide these things from the team, so honestly I think I-"  
"I'd advise you to shut up now Steve ." Peter was about to explode, he could feel the anger flooding his veins. The captain seemed to be blissfully unaware though.

"Now, please explain to me what kind of bullshit you must have been thinking to think it was okay to not only belittle the man that makes you living here and having all these cool gadgets possible but also straight up tell him that you'd rather he fucking disappeared?!"

He was nearly screaming now, Steve simply sitting on the couch with his arms crossed, acting as if he didn't care for this conversation. As if Peters points were invalid.

And that, that sheer level of carelessness, was what made him go off.

"You fucking know how low his self-esteem is and yet you think it's somehow okay to basically tell him to go kill himself while he's just opened up to you about something that makes him very vulnerable? He had a panic attack, the first one in over a month Steve, and you're the one that caused it and you sit here like I'm the one that's wrong?"

"I know it wasn't tactful but you have to understand-"  
"DAMN STRAIGHT IT WASN'T TACTFUL! YOU TOLD A MAN WITH CRIPPELING LOW SELF ESTEEM THAT HE WAS WORTH NOTHING!"

He was fuming, voice shaking with anger as he screamed the words into the captains face.  
And maybe it was military training or the many times he'd had to keep a straight face while doing press, but Steve showed no emotions except for indifference.

And it made his anger even worse.

"He tells you he's transgender because he trusted you. Because you accepted me with no trouble at all and he thought it was safe. He told you because he Trusted you and you hammered him into the ground as he told you he'd just killed a puppy. Are you even aware of how fucking painful that is? Do you even realise that miss Potts had to literally slap a blade out of his hand because he took your words to heart?! You say you're the captain and yet you belittle your own teammates as if they're worth nothing. "

Now Steve did show a bit of emotion. Shock, most clearly.

"He tried to kill himself?"

"He tried to follow orders after you told him you'd all rather he disappeared."

"Shit. I- Peter I didn't think he'd actually..."

"Of course you didn't. That doesn't excuse you from telling someone they're not worth anything though."

"I need to apologise to him. I'll-"  
"You stay right fucking here captain. Wait until he finds the trust to get back up here again and then we'll see. You can apologise all you want as soon as he decides it's safe enough to actually walk around in his own building again. Beg for forgiveness on your knees for all I care.  
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see if Thor hasn't accidentally overstepped his boundaries and tried to hug Mr Stark. Goodbye captain."

With that he spun on his heels and walked towards the elevator, hands clenched into fists as he took deep breaths. He hadn't killed him so that was a plus. 

He just yelled at Captain America.  
Holy shit he just cursed out Captain America!  
Though when the elevator doors closed he found he somehow couldn't care less.

He also then and there decided that he'd give the cap poster and plushy he had in his room, surrounded by all the Iron man stuff Tony had gotten him, either to Ned or to the little kid that lived next door.

This situation had definitely moved cap down a bit on his ladder of favourite superheroes.

-

"So, you really gave the golden boy a piece of your mind huh?"

They were sitting on the ledge again, the night sky clouded and the lights below them shining a faint light on them both.

This time it was him that Friday had woken up, telling him that Mr Stark had had a nightmare and that, if Peter wanted to, he could try and ease some of the tension from his mentor's shoulders.

"Yeah. he deserved it though."

Tony gave him a smirk, eyes less sunken in and tired looking than last time. His eyes wrinkled at the corners, age lines carved into his face becoming more prominent as he smiled.

Tony Stark was getting old.

"That he did kid. That he did."

They sat there for over two hours, the sky already tinting lighter when they finally got back to bed, Peter told his mentor that he could sit in the chair this time to watch over Tony, said man simply giving him another smile and a pat on the shoulder as he told him that he'd be fine now that Pepper would be back in a day or two.

And Tony wasn't okay. The argument having broken the relationships he had had with his teammates meaning they'd have to start all over again. The nightmares about moments long past not frequent but they were there none the less and on top of all of that his back was killing him.

No, Tony Stark wasn't okay. But as he hugged Peter goodbye the next day, telling him to come over whenever he felt like it, he thought that maybe, maybe he would be.

And as Pepper came back that afternoon, little Morgan squealing in delight at seeing her dad again after two weeks, letting them both know just how happy she was about it by saying her version of dad ('Papa! Papa!') over and over again, he realised that he was sure he would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> This is written by a trans person. There might be some small things that are different for others but this is my own experience with dysphoria described so I hope that explains it.


End file.
